Finding the Words

A young client on the autism spectrum came to Deborah with repetitive behaviors — turning lights and faucets on and off, walking in circles — and real difficulty putting language to what he felt inside. Anxious around anything new, he struggled to express himself in ways others could understand.

Over time, working with Deborah and learning self-help techniques with his family, many of the repetitive behaviors eased. He grew more able to speak, ask questions, and hold a conversation — eventually reaching a point where he no longer needed a classroom aide.

One day he arrived overwhelmed, unable to find his "next step" — unusual for a boy who always had a plan. Rather than asking how he felt (a question that rarely lands for kids who don't yet have a framework for emotions), Deborah asked what had happened. He described watching classmates be cruel to a friend, and not knowing how to help.

Deborah asked what he noticed himself doing with his hands in that moment. He looked down, surprised: he'd been holding his own fingers — one of the very energy points he'd learned. Together, they traced the feeling back: irritation, building toward frustration, building toward anger. For the first time, he connected a physical sensation to an emotional one — and named it himself.

"If I don't feel irritation, I won't feel frustration," he said. "And if I don't feel frustration, it won't get to anger. Everyone should know this!"

That was the moment his family had been waiting for: not just calmer behavior, but a child who finally had language for what he felt — found, in part, through his own hands.